Happy Wednesday! It’s been a while since I’ve written here in my Weary by Wednesday blog. Actually, it’s been a while since I’ve written much of anything except a grocery list. How does missing a week turn into months and months? I sure can’t explain it.
I’ve been in the throes of depression and my anxiety reared its ugly head again. June was my lowest point, but I’m feeling a lot better and definitely on my way up. I would like to blame it on a rough year with trying personal circumstances and a convergence of this and that, but I’m not sure that will explain it either.
Sometimes, there just isn’t a good explanation for difficult times. I’ve been afforded the opportunity to step back and see God working though. Honestly to stop in my tracks and assess and evaluate where I am emotionally, physically and spiritually, was not an easy task. I didn’t want to get out of bed, let alone make that phone call to set up a counselling appointment. But I did. I made baby steps those first few weeks. I celebrated little victories and evaluated some of my stinking thinking. It’s an ongoing task.
I hope to share in the coming months some of the things I’ve been reading and learning. The most humbling part of all this is that I really felt like after all this time, I had a handle on the issues that came up this year. I have learned so much over the years about dealing with the aftermath of abuse that I was not expecting to fall down like I did. But apparently…I still have more to learn.
I can’t explain it, which isn’t a bad thing, it’s just a thing.
None the less, God has been doing some work over here in the midst difficult times iced with a layer depression and anxiety, and I’m okay with it. I’m okay with accepting I’ve not arrived yet. I’m open to learning that some of the ways I’ve chosen to cope with my abusive past aren’t healthy for me or my current relationships. I’m okay that I can’t do what I thought I could do, and I’m willing to get to the bottom of triggers, PTSD, depression and whatever else lurks under the surface of my emotions. I’m willing to break the habits that are not spiritually, emotionally, or physically healthy for me, and are not conducive to growing relationships with the ones I love.
Hey, it’s going to be a new adventure! It is time. Although I can’t explain it yet, I hope to share what I’m learning along the way.
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:12-14.)
Thanks for sharing your Wednesday with me. It is good to be back. I hope you will tag along and I hope you will share your lessons learned and other great ideas with me. I hope you will hold onto Jesus as I am right now. I would appreciate your prayers, and I am always praying for each of you.