I know, this is a blog, I’m supposed to have something to say. But sometimes, there just aren’t words. There are plenty of emotions and thoughts, but no words that work. No words I think anyone would want to hear.
Am I the only one who has this problem?
But I know where it comes from. I get like this when I feel trapped, overpowered, overwhelmed, and unimportant. It comes from standing in the kitchen being lectured by my Dad for making too much noise on a Saturday morning, because I was probably interfering with his hangover, and contemplating what the irrational consequence will be. It comes from years of living in an abusive relationship, where my words didn’t count and were not wanted, because everything was about him and nothing was about me.
Shutting down is a sign of abuse in my opinion. Causing me to go inside my head and not come out. Because coming out is dangerous. It put me in a vulnerable position. A place where there was more hurt than I already had to deal with.
Nod my head, agree. Say what is expected and I got less trouble.
I don’t live in abuse any longer, but from time to time ‘Nothing to Say’ visits me anyway, and I have to struggle through overcoming the skeletons in my closet.
Are you living in your head? Are your conversations with yourself because they are safer than speaking out loud?
If you are in the process of healing from abuse, don’t let the skeletons overtake you.
If you are not sure you are living in abuse or you know you are, find a safe person to confide in. They are there, they won’t leave you with ‘Nothing to Say.’
If I can be that safe person for you, I would be honored. I am praying for you.