I just read a Face Book post about bullying, adult to adult. The recipient was asking how to respond.
First, I realize, I have a tendency to relegate bullying to boys and play-grounds.
I stand guilty.
In reality, I was not only subjected to abuse as a child and as an adult, I also fall prey to bullying from adults.
There is something wrong with me.
This in no way excuses bullying or abuse, I am only pointing out that because of many reasons, I am “programmed” to respond the wrong way to both.
I want people to like me. Self esteem issues.
I want everyone to be nice and get along. Reality issues.
There are more.
I can remember asking my counsellor once, “What’s wrong with me? Why do I attract people who are just like my ex?”
This is real. I escaped my abusive relationship, and did not re-enter another one, yet I still encounter bullying situations. One person trying to overpower another, rather than work things out fairly.
Some people do not want to work things out. They want their own way and will stop at nothing to get it, kid or adult, even if they must bully or abuse to do so.
What I have learned is, it is not my job to fix these people. This was a hard lesson, and one I often have to remind myself about.
I am also learning, yes still, how to let go and not engage in the power struggle. These people are not interested in my perspective or viewpoint, nor will they ever. They merely want to win.
Sometimes, the only way to respond to certain people is to not respond at all.
Let them be.